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Welcome at the blog of Dini Commandeur. I've written quite a lot of columns for various magazines. I also write short stories every now and then. These columns and stories are available for everybody at this blog. I'll release new columns and stories periodically.

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« A New Time | Home | Here we go »

Part of Society

Column March 2008 Saturday 15 March 2008 Like every morning, my in-box is pretty full with e-mails. One of them is from a friend who informs me that she has made it to the second round in her job solicitation and asks to keep our fingers crossed for good progress. Although nothing is certain yet, she is already very happy with this result, she writes, because she has been out of a job for some time now and it feels good to get back to work and be part of society once again. It sounds strange to me, that sentence. After all, isn’t that friend already part of society just like everyone else? During lunch I watch a Friesian television program: A woman in the train from Leeuwarden to Groningen is being interviewed. What does she do for a living, the interviewer asks, but the woman doesn’t work outside the home. She says that she is married, has two teenage sons, and takes care of the household. Besides that, she is busy with her garden, plays tennis three times a week, and loves to read.

All day long, the lady in the train and the friend who is soliciting a job are haunting my thoughts. Working in the garden, reading, hitting a few balls three times a week. An interview for a challenging job. Two women of the same generation, yet a greater difference in lifestyle is hardly imaginable. A job. This reminds me of America where people hold two or even three jobs at a time. Work is so important there. Whenever we are in America I’m being asked the same question as the interviewer asked the woman in the train: “What do you do for a living?” They are astonished when I tell them that I do not have a job outside the home. “In the future, you should say, I’m writing columns”, advised an acquaintance. Yes, I do write columns and that is no lie even though I don’t earn my bread doing so. So, when we returned to America last year to the first person asking me what my profession was, the customs officer, I responded that I write columns. The man was impressed. Later, however, it occurred to me that I could have said that I do social work, because writing columns does not fill my days but other writings and volunteer work do make the days seem too short. Perhaps, in the eyes of the customs officer, doing social work is less interesting than writing columns, but still, I could have said that.


That night, Ineke calls me. That’s enjoyable because Ineke lives in the south of the country and, therefore, we don’t see each other that often so it’s always good to talk to each other via telephone. First, we always ask about our health. I regularly suffer from migraines and would like to have another head on my shoulders and Ineke would prefer to have an entire new body all together because she has a muscle ailment that causes her much pain. When Ineke and I talk on the phone we first complain about our lacking health for a few moments and then much fun follows since we always have a good time during our calls. This time, I tell Ineke about the e-mail from my friend who went on a job interview and her feeling part of society again. I ask Ineke what she thinks about that and if she feels placed outside of society because of her health problems. Personally, I never felt that way and Ineke says she hasn’t either but that society does think that way about us. That is society’s problem then, as it expects so much of us, especially women, young mothers who work outside the home, running at top speed to avoid being cast aside. Then there are the jobless women of Ineke’s and my generation, who work themselves to the bone without pay, busy with the household, volunteer work, caring for needy friends and family members, and babysitting the grandchildren. Ineke and I do not feel placed outside of society. To the contrary, we feel that we take active part in society. Even though we do not have a paying job outside the home and thus miss the social interaction with colleagues, we can also carry on an interesting conversation with others while waiting in the supermarket checkout line, and a bus drive can be quite entertaining as well. Sometimes, strangers will tell you their entire life story. Ineke and I may have our bad days but we absolutely do feel part of society. When we run errands, when we visit someone who nobody else cares about, when in a jiffy we solve the world’s problems during our phone conversations, or even when we giggle incessantly on the phone – we are part of society. It’s about your own feeling. Someone who has not worked outside the home for some time and who will only fully feel part of society when she has a good job should indeed go to work as quickly as possible. However, there’s nothing wrong with someone who fills her days playing tennis, gardening, reading, and being home for her teenage boys. That, too, is part of our society. Ineke and I do not have a job position outside the house but because of our volunteer work we are not without a job. Should reincarnation exist and we return to earth after death, perhaps we would choose a glamorous career, just to experience what that is like. “Coming back to a new life, okay,” Ineke says, “but that would have to be in a painless body otherwise I would not be interested.” The same goes for me. We would rather stay the same way we are now and enjoy that society where all is beautiful, without pressure, without objectives, but most of all without stress and pain. Could anything be more heavenly than that?

Text: Dini Commandeur Translation: Maria O’Neill


 

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