Here we go
Column March 2008 Saturday 15 March 2008 We’ve talked about this before: The Internet is fun, interesting, and can result in new friendships. Again, someone sends me a message that she would like to add me to her MSN contacts and although I agree, I immediately send her an e-mail that I won’t be able to chat with her very often because, as enjoyable as it is, it would take too much of my time.When I look at my list of MSN contacts there are only a few people with whom I have an “MSN chat” now and then and they are my sons, and then only when they have something pressing to tell or ask me. No, MSN isn’t really for me but there still are some of my MSN friends and acquaintances who tell me things about themselves without us “speaking” or mailing one another. Behind their name they regularly post what they are thinking and feeling, where they have been or will be going, who in their family is having or had a birthday, etc. That’s how, in spite of myself, I become part of their lives. Sometimes, their postings pique my curiosity, sometimes they bring about my tendency to discuss or comfort, and sometimes they provoke another reaction. Let me just clarify that nearly all names mentioned here are fictive, except for those friends whom I specifically asked permission to tell about their sayings or heartfelt thoughts using their real names.
Marieke found herself in a difficult phase of life and asked: “What does life want with me?” I couldn’t resist responding: “What do you want with life?” She didn’t react, but shortly thereafter I read “Yeah!” behind her name. It appears that things are looking up for her. Lina is doing well, too. She posted for some time that she would like to be happy and suddenly I read that “Happiness is in the air”. I think she’ll be okay. Meanwhile, Anneke went to the sauna with a group of friends and Jilda enjoyed a risqué weekend in the city. Josje went to the public swimming pool with her little boys and Mary from Canada announces that she is returning to college, just so we know.
At the very start of my MSN contacts there was a young man, I don’t remember exactly who it was, a far removed cousin or someone like that, who had just moved out of the parental home and sighed: “Oh, if only I had stayed home with mom!” (the title of a popular old Dutch song). “Buddy, go back then!” I mailed in response. But he said that it would not be in the best interest of his mother, which I could understand, too.
Then there are those MSN contacts with nothing behind their names, or just the website address of a company, or an organization where they volunteer.
Some of the texts behind the names of my MSN contacts give me goose bumps. Take Eva’s text: “OKAY, HERE WE GO”, it firmly reads behind her name. On the day I saw these words appear I knew what Eva’s mood was at that moment. Not because we had that much contact with one another at that time – to the contrary. Eva had other things on her mind than e-mailing or chatting because, not long ago, her husband had decided to leave his family and start a new life. He must have thought about that for some time already since decisions like that are not made from one day to the next. For Eva, however, the news came out of the blue and she, too, had to start a new life whether she wanted to or not. What was a well thought-out choice for her husband was not exactly her own wish. It must have been a sad time for her, and it still won’t be easy, to be left behind with three young children. I often thought about her and then one day that text appeared behind her name on MSN: “OKAY, HERE WE GO.” That’s when I knew she regained the spring in her step and that beside the heartbreak a fighting spirit was awakened. Later she told me that it happened because her ex-husband had said something hurtful. Words cannot only rip someone’s soul to pieces bus they can also make someone flaming mad. It is so sad. At one time you entered the marriage boat together and then, when things no longer work out, it should be a matter of neatly docking that boat so both can disembark without too much shaking and each can continue his/her own way in a civilized manner. Yet, it was precisely those hurtful words from her ex that gave Eva her energy back, which proves once again that sadness paralyzes and, although it can be destructive, anger can sometimes yield positive things like energy and power.
My friend Nel in Sweden also has a beautiful text behind her name on MSN: “Tron kan förflytta berg.” Last week, just as I wanted to send her a mail asking what this text meant, she came on-line and I could ask her in real time via MSN. “Tron kan förflytta berg” means “Trust can move mountains”, Nel explained. Later, she mailed the source: The Gospels of Marc and Matthew.
Of all the texts that are used by my MSN contacts those of Eva and Nel touch me the most; the fighting spirit of Eva, the encouragement of Nel. For everyone in a difficult situation there is no better pep talk than the saying Nel uses. Eva “goes for it” – for her new life. It won’t be easy, but still... “Okay, here we go,” she wrote. Go for it girl, you can do it! Don’t forget “Tron kan förflytta berg.”
March 2008 Text: Dini Commandeur, Translation: Maria O’Neill